


Just Tired

by littlebean32



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28444638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlebean32/pseuds/littlebean32
Summary: She was just tired of trying to figure it all out.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 19
Kudos: 88





	Just Tired

Ambulance 61 had just backed back onto the apparatus floor of 51 when Sylvie finally opened her eyes again and picked her head up from it’s spot on the passenger side window. The last call had been extra hard for the PIC. It was an all call- which meant along with 61- truck, engine, squad and the battalion chief had all been called out. 

It was a 2 story house fire. Owned by a husband and wife with two small children. 

Sylvie pronounced both children and the wife dead at the scene. The husband was nowhere to be found, and from what PD seen and found-they were calling it arson. When Casey and Severide found the three, they were all still breathing. But by the time Sylvie and Foster had gotten them on the gurneys, their breathing shallowed out and due to the massive amount of smoke inhalation and burns to their bodies, they died just a couple of minutes later. It was the part of the job Sylvie hated the most. She knows deep down that she can’t save everyone, but it still hurts to see them take their last breaths and die right in front of her. 

“Sylvie. Sylvie.”

Foster shook Sylvie slightly trying to get her attention.

Sylvie finally turned her head towards Foster. It wasn’t hard to see just how red her eyes were. A pure mixture of tiredness and tears.

“Hmm? Sorry Foster, I zoned out.”

“I just got a text from Cruz. Chief is looking for us. Wants a word in his office.”

Sylvie sighed and opened the passenger door getting out.

“Alright. Let’s go then.”

—————————————————————————————————————————

“I’m taking 61 out of service.”

Chief Boden said from his desk.

“Chief, there’s no need. I can’t speak for Foster but I’m fine.”

“I’m fine too. We’re okay to work Chief.”

Boden sighed.

“You both watched three people die in front of you. Two of whom were under the age of 6. You guys can say you’re fine all you want, but I know you both far too well. There’s only 5 hours left of this shift anyway. Go home. Get some rest. Talk to someone if you need to. I don’t want to see either of you back here for another two days.” 

Sylvie and Foster shared a glance, nodded that they understood and walked out. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Both paramedics were grabbing their bags from the lockers when Foster spoke up.

“I think I’m gonna go stay with my mom. Just want some time away from Chicago... I’ll be back in time for the next shift.”

Sylvie put the lock on her locker and looked up at Foster.

“I get it. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.”

Foster gave her a faint smile and moved to the front of Sylvie.

“You call me if you need anything.” 

Sylvie gave her a hug.

“Thanks Emily.” 

Sylvie watched as Foster walked out. She felt guilty. It was one thing for her to experience what happened, but she hated that Emily was too. They both signed up for this, she knows that. But knowing that Emily is hurting too, makes it even harder for her. She never wants anyone she loves to hurt. From anything. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Sylvie got home around 3:45 AM. She took a hot shower to wash away the shift, brushed her teeth and went straight to bed. It didn’t do her any good because the last time she looked at the clock on her phone- it was six AM. She just couldn’t shut her eyes. Every time she did, she seen those three lifeless bodies laying in front of her. Two young children who never had a chance to live their lives, and a young mother who lost the chance to see her babies grow up and take on the world. It broke Sylvie’s heart. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Sylvie woke up to knocks on her door. She moaned and rolled over checking her phone, seeing that it was just after 8:30 AM. Who the heck was at her door this early? She stayed in bed for a couple more seconds, hoping whoever it was- would just go away. Sadly, the knocking continued. Sylvie finally got up, threw a hoodie over her tank top and went to answer the door. Opening the door, she had to take a double look at who was standing in front of her.

“Matt.”

Sylvie said with hesitation.

“Hey... I’m sorry to come over this early. Shift just ended and I know Chief sent you and Foster home early. I wanted to check to just make sure you were okay.”

Sylvie gave him a faint smile and looked down at the floor.

“I’m okay...Really...”

“I’ve worked alongside you now six years, and I know your lying to me.”

Casey said looking straight at the tired PIC. She finally looked back up at him with fresh tears in her eyes.

“Come in.”

He hesitated for a minute. The last time he was here was just a few weeks ago, when he showed up at her doorstep wondering what had happened between them. The last time he walked past the door was when he was pushing her back into the apartment with his lips on hers. Everything in that moment felt so right, and he was longing for that again. But because of him and his stupid response to her question, everything was halted. He wanted more with her, he knew that. But right now- more than anything, he just wanted to be there for her. So he walked inside and she shut the door behind him.

“You really didn’t have to come over. I’m sure you wanna go get some sleep. A text would have been just as good.”

Matt knew she was closing herself off from him. He looked at her and she had her arms wrapped around her middle. Broken and beautiful he thought.

“I know I didn’t have to. But I wanted to. I seen you at the scene. I know it wasn’t easy on you. Or Foster for that matter. You check in on everyone else. Let someone do it for you for once, Sylvie.”

Matt said as he never tore his eyes from her. She walked over to the couch and sat down. He waited a second before he joined her.

“They were just so young...all of them. The boy was three...The daughter was five. The mom was only twenty six...None of them had a chance.”

Matt watched has tears fell from her eyes. He wished he could fix it all. Take all her pain away and hold her so she never feels this pain again.

“I know I shouldn’t let this get to me. I’ve seen my fair share of losses at different scenes. It’s a part of the job to keep going. But it’s just so-“

“Hard... I know.”

Sylvie looked at Matt and he reached out to grab her hand.

“It’s hard to watch lives being lost. It’s hard wishing you could have done more and prevented it as a whole. We serve and protect. Sometimes it’s hard knowing you couldn’t protect them...and at the end of the day, there are some scenes that you bring home with you.”

“I wish I could just turn my feelings off sometimes. Make it easier to work through these scenes.”

Matt smirked slightly.

“Sylvie Brett. You love and care with your whole heart. Even if you could turn off your feelings, that part of you would never stray away. You feel so deeply... that’s what makes you who you are. That’s what makes you a great Paramedic.”

Sylvie sighed and made a move that shocked Matt. She moved as close as she could before bending her body and laying her head in his lap. All he could do was look at her. He had no idea how to react, but knew he couldn’t afford to make another mistake when it came to Sylvie. Before he could even realize what was happening, his left hand made its way to her hair. He was using his fingers to comb through her blonde hair, while his heart was beating at a rapid pace. 

Matt forgot what it was like to care for someone this much. He’s always known that he cared for Sylvie. But after the last couple of years, it’s all been so different. He looked at her, and all he wanted to do was protect her. From every little thing that could hurt her. It made him nervous that he was feeling all of this again, because the last time he did- the person left and broke his heart. Matt looked down at the beauty that was in his lap. She wasn’t anything like his ex-wife. Deep down- Matt knew that. It wasn’t long before he noticed that Sylvie’s breathing evened out and he knew she had fallen asleep. Not long after that, he did too. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Sylvie stirred a little and opened her eyes. It took her a minute to register that she wasn’t in bed, she was on her couch and someone had their arm around her. She twisted a little and turned to see the face of who’s arm it was.

Matt Casey.

The memories came flooding back. The scene from early this morning. Him showing up at her door. Confiding in him about feeling so much. Falling asleep to his fingers running through her hair...

She sighed. She should have never let herself fall asleep in his lap. Things were still so complicated between them. After the last time he showed up at her door, they have barley talked. Here and there at work when they needed to, but for the most part- they just didn’t talk. It was the part she hated the most. She never wanted to lose him as the amazing friend he was. Whatever they had before that night- was just gone. Whatever this is- Sylvie convinced herself, was just Matt being nice. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

Matt groaned when his body started to wake up and he felt pain in his neck and back. Yup, he was definitely not twenty years old anymore. His neck and back were going to hurt for awhile because instead of falling asleep in his bed, he fell asleep on a not super comfortable couch. He opened his eyes and looked over to the right seeing on the wall clock that it was two o’clock in the afternoon. 

“Someone’s awake.”

Matt turned his head to the kitchen to see Sylvie standing there smiling at him.

“Hey. Sorry. Have I been out long since you’ve been up?”

Matt said as he rose from the couch stretching. 

“No, not really. I guess we both fell asleep. I got up like twenty minutes ago and freshened up a little bit. I’m surprised me getting up didn’t wake you.”

Matt walked over to the table in her kitchen.

“I’m usually a heavy sleeper after shift. Nothing probably could have woken me up.”

Sylvie laughed a little as she bent down to grab a clean skillet from her dishwasher. 

“I know it’s two in the afternoon, and I know I haven’t eaten since before the call this morning... I’m sure you didn’t eat before coming over here so I thought I could make some breakfast. Ya know, as a thank you for coming over and checking in on me.”

“You never have to repay me for checking in on you Sylvie. I don’t do it because I have to, I do it because I want to... But I am pretty hungry, now that I think of it- so I will take some breakfast.”

Matt said smirking.

“Good. Cause you were not getting outta here without eating something.”

“What’s on the menu today?”

Sylvie put the skillet on the stove and turned to him- smiling. 

“My all time favorite- CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES!”

Matt chuckled slightly. 

“You’re pretty adorable when you get excited about food.”

Damn. It was just a slip up. But god, was it true. She wasn’t just adorable when she was talking about food, she was adorable all the time. 

Sylvie couldn’t help the blushing that rose to her face. But then the word complicated got back into her mind and the moment was over. She had to remind herself, this was just breakfast. She was just repaying him for spending the morning making sure she was okay. She turned to grab the flour, water and reached for the eggs from the fridge. 

“I know your neck and back are not happy about your sleeping arrangements this morning. You should have woken me up so you could go home.”

“Don’t even worry about it. I’ve been through worse. You fell asleep and I know you needed the rest. I’ll be okay after a couple of hours.” 

Sylvie was trying to reach for the chocolate chips on the top shelf of her cupboard.

“Ugh. I can’t grab the-.

Matt walked over behind her.

“Here let me.”

He had his left arm gripping the countertop while his right arm reached up to grab the chocolate chips. She could feel his chest to her back. His words in her ear. Her heart beating so fast she felt like she was gonna pass out. She took a deep breath and turned her head towards him. They held their gaze for what felt like years. Blue eyes met blue eyes. He was the first to speak.

“Here you go.”

Matt reached to hand Sylvie the jar of chocolate chips. That knocked her outta her trance and she whipped her head towards the jar and grabbed it from him.

“Thanks.”

Matt stepped back and let her finish making the pancakes. 

—————————————————————————————————————————

“Those were the best pancakes I’ve ever had.”

Matt said as he took the plates to the sink.

“Well, I’m glad you liked them. I haven’t had them in a while, but like I said... It’s my favorite.”

Sylvie said as she walked behind him with the empty glasses of orange juice. She set them in the sink and looked up at him. 

“Thanks again for this morning. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime. I mean that. No matter what time that is, PIC Brett.”

Sylvie smirked. She looked into those gorgeous blue eyes of his, and couldn’t help the sigh that came out. She looked down at the floor.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m just tired.”

Matt reached out and rubbed her arm.

“You should go get some more sleep. I’ll head on out.”

Matt started to walk towards the living room to grab his jacket when Sylvie spoke up again.

“I don’t mean tired as in I need more sleep.”

He turned to look at her.

“I mean I’m tired of trying to figure out what this whole this is between us.” 

Sylvie wasn’t sure why all of this was coming outta her mouth now, but trying to stop it was like trying to stop breathing. 

Matt tried to say something but Sylvie cut him off.

“I mean you already made it clear that it’s Gabby. It always has been. I respect that. But I can’t help how I feel when I look at you. Believe me, I’ve tried. But with everything in me, I just can’t. When you come to check on me... Or even when you complement me... Or when you hold my hand. My heart races faster that it ever has... My palms get sweaty... I get nervous and apparently I start coughing too...”

Sylvie closed her eyes, took a breath and finally said what her heart was screaming at her to say.

“I really want to be with you Matt. More than anything. But I don’t want to be a second choice. I’ve been through that, more times than I wish to remember. I promised myself- I wouldn’t do that again... More than anything, I want you to be happy Matt. If you’re happy with Gabby, I want that for you.”

Matt took a breath.

“Two weeks ago, I couldn’t say anything that I should have. I’m not letting that happen again.” 

Sylvie furrowed her eyebrows and Matt threw his jacket back on the couch. 

“It’s not Gabby. For a long time- it was. I get why you and probably everyone else would think it was and I know it didn’t help when I said I don’t know when you asked me if I would leave with her. Her leaving was something that I just didn’t want to face. I threw myself into my work and let it go to the back of my head. I didn’t want to feel that pain. Until two weeks ago when you asked me about her. She’s come back twice since she left. Both times asking me to either leave with her or join her on my next furlough. I haven’t left.” 

Sylvie stayed glue to her spot in the kitchen.

“I haven’t felt like this in a long time. I almost forgot what it really did feel like to care about someone more than you care about yourself. To wanna protect them and block them from feeling any type of pain... I should have told you how I felt a year ago. I’ve been beating myself up since then. But I seen that you were happy with the chaplain and I just couldn’t ruin that for you. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world.”

Sylvie let a couple of tears fall.

“I was happy. Or at least I thought I was. Kyle...he’s a great guy. Any women would be lucky to be with him...and it really did hurt me to leave. But I couldn’t keep lying to myself. It wasn’t fair to me or to him. Chicago is my home. 51 is my family.”

“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you came back.”

Sylvie took a couple of steps closer to him.

“What happened two weeks ago, should have happened differently Matt.” 

Matt shook his head.

“Everything happened the way it was suppose to. I wouldn’t change a single thing. Not me jumping outta the truck to get to you, which I would do a hundred times over again... Not Gallo totally outing me at Molly’s... Not even me showing up at your door that night.”

Sylvie couldn’t pry her eyes off of him.

“I know your tired of trying to figure out whatever this is between us. So let’s figure it out. Ask me. Ask me again Sylvie.”

She closed her eyes and sighed.

“If Gabby came back to Chicago, right now- tonight, and asked you to leave with her, would you go?” 

“No.” 

Sylvie’s eyes opened and looked straight at him.

“I wouldn’t leave with her. Everything I want and need is right here in Chicago. My job. My friends. My family. You. That’s all I need. Two weeks ago I couldn’t give you the answer you deserved. I guess I just needed time to really come to terms with everything and tell myself it was okay to move on. I know now that it is. I want to move on. With you. I want to tackle life with you. Try new foods. Travel to new places. Create some new hobbies. Wake up and go to bed with you in my arms. Learn how to cook...”

That last comment got Sylvie to laugh.

“I’m in love with you Sylvie Brett. I know it’s not always going to be easy. We’re gonna have arguments. You’ll get mad. I’ll get mad. You’ll feel like your right. I’ll feel like I’m right. It’s not gonna be easy, but I can tell you right here right now- it’ll be one hundred percent worth it... I know you’ve been hurt before. I know your use to guarding your heart. You don’t have to do that with me Sylvie. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m gonna make up for making you feel the hurt you felt two weeks ago because I was too stupid to just say what I was feeling. I’ll make sure you know it too. No matter what. That I love you and that you’re it for me.”

Sylvie gave up trying not to full out bawl her eyes out.

“Let’s dive in together. Let’s experience this together.”

Sylvie finally calmed her tears enough to answer him.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Sylvie smiled and spoke again.

“I’m ready to dive in, if you are.”

“I am.” 

Matt said within a heartbeat.

“You should probably come over here and kiss me Captain Casey.” 

Sylvie said as she smirked. 

Matt returned her smirk, and took those last few steps towards her. He looked deep into her blue eyes, put his hands on the sides of her face- and kissed her. Kissed her with longing, love and passion. She smiled against his lips as her arms went around his neck, and like two weeks ago- he picked her up. She didn’t even have a chance to wrap her legs around him before he twirled her around and she let out a laugh. It was like music to his ears, and it soon became one of his favorite sounds. 

Before the gap between them was closed again, Sylvie looked at Matt and her smile grew wider.

“Oh and by the way, I love you too.”

Everything in this moment- was nothing short of perfect.

❤️

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for reading my story. I haven’t written anything in a long time, and it makes me so happy that you took a chance on me and my story. 
> 
> I tried to line the little details of this story up as best as possible, so if some things are different than in the actual show, sorry about that, haha. 
> 
> I am open to any and all suggestions about the details, my writing or anything you guys would like to say.
> 
> Thank you again for coming on this journey with me.
> 
> XOXO,
> 
> Phyllis ❤️


End file.
